Differences

I am always amazed at the singlemindedness of men.  Once an idea gets in their head, it does not go away until they either accomplish the idea, or end in failure.  But, what really gets me is how they do not, and I mean DO NOT understand women - and to make matters worse, most men don't try to understand them. 

As a wedding photographer I always wonder when I am photographing a wedding what the couple is like when they have an argument, and if they argue often.  Some couples are quiet and resolve their issues by periods of silence and ignoring each other, while other couples scream and bring down the roof yelling things they would never say when not angry, and then there are the combo couples - one is quiet and the other likes to yell.  The most frustrating thing for women is the issue of no resolvment - if the subject of argument could just be resolved or attempted to be, then many fights would end quickly. 

Women just want to be understood and respected, and when men think they are being unreasonable and don't try to understand why, the issue will never go away for them.  What's worse is when a man misunderstands or misinterprets circumstances, but will not accept explanations - once he has his own version of what went down, it is like guiding a 500 lb bear from attacking it's prey.  The emotional place women argue from is alien to men - they are all about logic and if a fight happens at night, the next morning is a fresh start and the previous day can be forgotten.... not so for women.  They can hold on to pain for days if they feel their man does not care about trying to avoid future arguments just by sitting down and trying to figure out why they fought and how to avoid that particular subject again.  Most men just want to put arguments behind them and move forward, but women need closure - as emotional creatures, we need the men we love to respect how we operate, and closure to fights is always needed.  When the next fight happens, all the previous unresolved fights come to mind for women, and as time goes on, they get more and more frustrated.  Or, they get defeated, and give up their own sense of self to avoid more fights.  They give up their opinions, their viewpoints on life, their unique perspective into the minds of people, and their self confidence.  Their voice is gone because they don't want to rock the boat anymore. 

Being a couple is no easy thing - it's hard work that many men don't understand - they don't want to change in order to be in a relationship.  They expect the woman to change to fit their personality, and unfortunately, many women do exactly that.  As a single person I would look at a couple in this situation and wonder why the woman stays....  but now, being in a situation exactly like it, I understand the reasons for staying.  Change is a drug for women, and it is a drug they always hope their man will succumb too as well.   But men do not change unless it is their own idea, and any attempt to change their viewpoint on how women think is like banging your head against the wall.  Women are mysteries to them, and it is too much effort to try and understand them - it is much easier to think they are crazy or difficult.  Emotions are not easy for men to dive into and talk about - they compartmentalize their problems and don't really talk about them.  Women are all about talking through their problems - and it is this fundamental difference that gets most couples into trouble.  When they fight, the woman wants to talk about it, the man wants to forget it and move on.....  if the man only knew that just sitting down for 10 to 20 minutes and working through the why's and how's of what has happened will make everything better.  It could be so easy....