How do you look at life?

I have a friend who is really down in the dumps right now.  Everything in her life seems to be going wrong and she just can't catch a break, yet sometimes I wonder if her outlook on life doesn't bring on some of her misfortune.  Over her lifetime, I would say bad luck seems to follow her around, but she is also a very hard and cynical person.  She doesn't believe in much beyond what she can see and feel.... her belief in something more than the ordinary has vanished beneath a rough shell of skepticism.  What is wrong with her faith, I wonder?  Where is the positive outlook I know lurks beneath her tough outer shell?  Life is just too short to be so miserable all the time, and yet she seems to thrive on playing the victim - always complaining and bemoaning her fate, and not looking around her and seeing all the gifts she has in her life.  Now I'm not perfect and can't say I'm always a positive role model, but I do believe in things I can't touch or see, I do believe wishes can come true if you have enough faith in them (although they may take on a different form than what you expect), and I do believe our outlook on life affects what happens to us.  If you believe bad things will happen, then they will... it's a self imposed fate.  Have you ever heard the saying that those who expect good things always get them?  Well, in my own experience, it's true, but you have to have a positive personality and a true faith in what you expect.  You also need compassion and sympathy for this to work...  a truly good person will reap the rewards of nurturing the fates of their fellow man. 

In today's world it is difficult to believe in other people anymore...  everyone seems to be looking out for themselves nowadays and it's a challenge to put yourself out there risking getting hurt.  My friend has no faith in other people... she has been hurt so many times and the defensive wall she has built makes it difficult for anyone to get close.  She is selfish and angry, and at times I can't say I blame her.  But, as her friend I try to get her to see that life is not as bad as she thinks.  There are still good people willing to be there for her if she would let them in.  Her anger is such a waste of energy, and would be much better channeled toward rebuilding her damaged relationships with friends and family.  Her outlook on friends and family at the moment consists of a belief that if they don't think the way she does, then they are all stupid and not worth her effort.  This is her way of putting up the wall and not getting hurt further.  It's so sad to see this happen over and over again - especially when it's aimed at me and all I'm trying to do is help her see how much I care for her. 

If you have friends or family that struggle with life and seem not worth the effort to stay in touch with, please don't give up on them.  The success of our life is measured by the relationships we forge and nurture - no matter the circumstances.  Money, material gain, power... all that means nothing because we can't take it with us in the end and it's worth is fleeting.  Our connections with others.... that is worth more than money and power.  Help someone see that life is good.... life is precious.... and life is what we make it.   

Sam

Sam was here to visit....  for the past two weeks my parents have been in town and Sam is traveling with them.  He is a three year old Yellow Lab and I got him when he was only 10 weeks old.  It was a tough decision picking the best male from his litter - they were all so sweet and good natured.  In the end it came down to markings - Sam had white toes on his back feet and to me that was precious.  I vividly remember the ride home:  I was in the back seat with Sam... this little sleeping bundle of fur, and I was so nervous.  I had never raised a dog from a puppy and I did not know if I would be a good "parent", but little did I know that being a good puppy parent takes so much more than I had anticipated with Labrador Retrievers.  I had been warned that they stay puppies until ages 3 to 5, but no one told me what little devils they are in the first year!  My goodness!  Sam was a handful to be sure....  and I had no idea how much time should be devoted to them in the first eight months when they do not have a full size bladder yet!  The rule of thumb is an hour for each month of age... so if your puppy is three months old, they need to be taken out every three hours.  How in the world do people who don't work at home raise puppies?  Furthermore, how do they bond with their dog if they are not there to be with them when the puppy is learning about the world? 

Anyway, Sam was a handful and from what I understand, still is to a certain degree.  I had to let him go when I met my fiance and moved in last year.  He has an older dog, Daisy, and she does not get along with Sam.  It was heartbreaking giving him up...  he was my companion and since I will probably have no children of my own, he was my baby.  Fortunately, my parents were close to retiring and had plans to travel the country in their RV and agreed to adopt Sam as their own and take him with them.  They loved Sam and didn't want to see him go to some stranger... and I am so grateful for that.  They've been traveling now for four months and Sam is loving it!  They were here for the last two weeks and it was wonderful and bittersweet seeing Sam.  I got to take him swimming and throw the ball for him;  two of his absolute favorite things in the world!  But, it was just so good to see his sweet face.  I sure do miss him....  hopefully, someday I might be able to take him back. 

TV

One of my new favorite shows... and I can't believe I'm saying this!... is Hell's Kitchen.  I refused for years to watch this program solely on the principle that I didn't want to watch a show where a master chef yells and curses at the contestants for an hour.  I mean, how fun is that not?  However, several months ago I got stuck on Gordon Ramsey's other show, Kitchen Nightmares on the BBC network, and I absolutely loved it... so I figured I'd give Hell's Kitchen a try. 

My first episode I kept expecting to get frustrated and mad at the injustice of unnecessary bullying by Ramsey,but my expectations were not met.  Yes, he yells and gets mad and curses every other word, but.... it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be.  I actually get more mad at some of the contestants!  On the current season there is one chick I really wish would get booted off, but she is doing just enough to stay on even though everyone on her team can't stand her attitude.  I just grit my teeth every time she talks to her teammates - she is a drama queen to the max.  And then there is our own Tennessean who blamed everyone else for all his mistakes...  way to go representing our proud state!  His food was always losing in challeges and he had a bad attitude when it came to defending his right to be there.  I really hate to say it, but I was so glad when he got kicked off. 

The food is not the star of the show like I thought it would be.  Many cooking shows make a big deal of presenting the food and giving you close ups of mouthwatering details.  This show is about the people and cooking is just something they do to get the prize at the end - a head chef position at a prominent NY restaurant.  It's more about testing their knowledge and ability rather than showcasing the actual dishes they make.  An interesting twist - especially when you consider all the other cooking shows out there... it takes alot to separate from the pack these days.

Hell's Kitchen... if you like cooking shows and want to see one comparable to a roller derby in the kitchen, give this one a try.  It's fun in a rubber-necking-a-traffic-accident kind of way. 

Romance

Like most women, I love romance.  Over the years I've grown away from reading the steamy romance novels and watching movies that raise my expectations too high, but I have not lost my girlish desire to be swept off my feet every once in awhile...  As little girls, many women are introduced to the idea of romance in the movies and television we watch - Disney has cornered the market on impossible romance... the kind that beats all odds and finds our two heroes living happily ever after when evil has been vanquished and all other obstacles are swept aside.  We even learn about romance in the books read to us as little girls, and our elders constantly tell us how we'll grow up and find true love one day...  It's no wonder we expect too much of our men as we get older! 

Realistically, we do fall in love and then crash hard the first time we have a boyfriend.  All our girlish fantasies and expectations are usually squashed in our teens...  some of us are lucky and do find prince charming, but for most of us, this time in our lives is education for romance.  We learn that men as a general rule don't have the prince charming gene programmed into their DNA, and in the beginning of relationships they are much more romantic than later on...  It's really not hard to please a woman when it comes to romance.  All we need is small gestures showing you think about us and know who we are.  Reassurance is something all women need - and for most men, this idea seems silly and unnecessary.  What they don't understand is that women are full of doubt and insecurities - even the ones that seem to be confident and independent - we are all little girls at heart and need reassurance every once in awhile that our man still thinks we are the one for them.  As emotional creatures, women enjoy knowing their men still love them through actions - not always words.  Saying "I love  you" is so easy over time... it is a conditioned phrase when a couple has been together for awhile.  Think outside the box and show her in actions how much you love her... plan a romantic dinner for two, a getaway to some secluded resort, do something around the house she's been asking for without letting her know, buy her that something special she's been talking about for months but would never purchase for herself.... etc.  It usually doesn't take grand gestures... just something that expresses your love and shows you listen to her and care about her thoughts and desires. 

Women can be complicated, but when it comes to romance, we are pretty much all the same.  We don't have to have it, but it sure is nice every once in awhile.  Listen to your woman now and then.... if you have to, write down ideas and keep them in a safe place to consult periodically when you want to do something special.  This is also good for gift ideas... women are constantly saying things like, "Oh, I would love to have that", or, "Wouldn't it be nice to be able to afford that?", or, "I've always wanted one of those!"  Write these things down and I guarantee you'll never go wrong on Christmas or Birthday gifts again!